This is one of the most frequently asked question. People asked me how am I able to continue being friends with my ex boyfriends and let me just start by saying, things are not exactly the same anymore. People asked me this because they often ship me with friends that they saw me hanging out with, and I will say things like, "nah, we have tried, didn't work out because we weren't compatible". My friends will then look extremely enthralled and say things like "how the hell you befriend your ex boyfriend?" Well this blog is all about it then.
I decide to write a blog about this because last night my sister asked me the same question and I realise that I actually have a quite a fair share to say.
Not for all relationships.
Need I say more? This is self explanatory. When your relationship was like a roller coaster with tonnes of negativity and toxic mindset or behaviour, obviously after the relationship ends with a quarrel or a fight it is best to stay away from your toxic partner and refrain from talking to him/her let alone being friends. Who are you kidding? Do you want him/her to start talking shit to your mutual friends on how bad of a partner you were to them even if it isn't true? Obviously no right? Kick him/her out of your life if possible.
Need I say more? This is self explanatory. When your relationship was like a roller coaster with tonnes of negativity and toxic mindset or behaviour, obviously after the relationship ends with a quarrel or a fight it is best to stay away from your toxic partner and refrain from talking to him/her let alone being friends. Who are you kidding? Do you want him/her to start talking shit to your mutual friends on how bad of a partner you were to them even if it isn't true? Obviously no right? Kick him/her out of your life if possible.
It is in relation to your mental age. (Maturity)
Who said you can't be in a relationship with people you have dated? This is all about you, your mentality. How mature you are. As you grow older you will come to a point where you realise that it is normal for relationships to just don't work out. Maybe neither one of you are at fault. You guys just ain't compatible. This is where you have to consider if do you still want that partner to be around in your life. Is he/she worth it to continue being your friend? Do you guys really have to end up being strangers that knows one another's secrets? Well sometimes a couple is better off as friends because they look so good and happy without all the commitments yet look so bad with all the relationship status causing them to think that they shortchanged their partner leaving them with a whole load of stress and doubts. Therefore, ask yourself if you are fine with having your ex partner as your friend. Do you still want them around? Are you guys better off as friends?
Who said you can't be in a relationship with people you have dated? This is all about you, your mentality. How mature you are. As you grow older you will come to a point where you realise that it is normal for relationships to just don't work out. Maybe neither one of you are at fault. You guys just ain't compatible. This is where you have to consider if do you still want that partner to be around in your life. Is he/she worth it to continue being your friend? Do you guys really have to end up being strangers that knows one another's secrets? Well sometimes a couple is better off as friends because they look so good and happy without all the commitments yet look so bad with all the relationship status causing them to think that they shortchanged their partner leaving them with a whole load of stress and doubts. Therefore, ask yourself if you are fine with having your ex partner as your friend. Do you still want them around? Are you guys better off as friends?
Things are not exactly the same anymore.
Of course to some of you things are exactly the same but to me, it isn't. I will think of how we used to tease one another, how we used cute pick up lines on one another, how he used to carry my things for me, the way he hugged me and pampered me like as if I was a princess, how he held my hand out of the blue, how he surprised me, how sweet he was to me and how he cared for me even when I wasn't sick or anything like that. Well this is then I have to decide. Would I rather, 1) lose him and avoid the awkward moments where I reminisce of how cute we were together or 2) embrace the awkwardness because I still want him as my friend knowing that I cherish him a lot as a friend and wants him around in my life. It takes time to completely allow the feelings to fade though, so don't blame yourself when you realise that you can't just make him your friend all over again like as if the entire relationship didn't even begin.
Of course to some of you things are exactly the same but to me, it isn't. I will think of how we used to tease one another, how we used cute pick up lines on one another, how he used to carry my things for me, the way he hugged me and pampered me like as if I was a princess, how he held my hand out of the blue, how he surprised me, how sweet he was to me and how he cared for me even when I wasn't sick or anything like that. Well this is then I have to decide. Would I rather, 1) lose him and avoid the awkward moments where I reminisce of how cute we were together or 2) embrace the awkwardness because I still want him as my friend knowing that I cherish him a lot as a friend and wants him around in my life. It takes time to completely allow the feelings to fade though, so don't blame yourself when you realise that you can't just make him your friend all over again like as if the entire relationship didn't even begin.
It depends on your ex boyfriend as well.
If your ex partner was a childish person don't bother trying to be friends with him/her. Your ex partner will literally be exceptionally salty about how things ended and refuse to be a genuine friend of yours.
If your ex partner was a childish person don't bother trying to be friends with him/her. Your ex partner will literally be exceptionally salty about how things ended and refuse to be a genuine friend of yours.
It is okay if you guys cannot get back on track.
It takes time. A lot of time. I took 2 whole years to be able to stop caring on what my ex boyfriend posted on his social media platforms. I missed him every single day and thought of so many flaws of mine that made us not work out in the end. Now that he is in a new relationship, I have managed to not care as much as I previously would or to cry seeing him hold/hug that new girl of his. It wasn't easy but don't give up. Tell yourself that you deserve better even if he was the best you have ever met. Now, that partner and I are friends. Oh well I am not entirely over him but at least I don't care as much as I would.
It takes time. A lot of time. I took 2 whole years to be able to stop caring on what my ex boyfriend posted on his social media platforms. I missed him every single day and thought of so many flaws of mine that made us not work out in the end. Now that he is in a new relationship, I have managed to not care as much as I previously would or to cry seeing him hold/hug that new girl of his. It wasn't easy but don't give up. Tell yourself that you deserve better even if he was the best you have ever met. Now, that partner and I are friends. Oh well I am not entirely over him but at least I don't care as much as I would.
I just want to say that it takes time for things to heal and to go back to normal. But never lose hope, tell yourself that you deserve better. Love yourself before you love others. If you have been a toxic relationship that did not turn out well, don't you ever dare blame yourself. Take it as a lesson learnt. Learn and grow from it. Embrace your flaws and the mistakes you have made. Don't short-change yourself. You deserve so much more than you think. Don't you ever dare give up on yourself because of a rotten relationship.
